You know, why not? I've always preferred writing on paper without lines anyways. Sure, other people find it messy but I find it freeing. Seems fitting for my first official post to be freestyle.


Truly, coding is beyond me. I mean, just looking at this editing page right now is so harrowing. I'm out of my depth and it's frustrating. That's why this post has no borders, the text is centered and out of place from the header, and why this site sat empty for months. Well, that and a handful of other reasons but all of this is beside the point; It's just me trying to justify why my page looks like this.

"What is the point?" You ask, unsure why you're still reading some 20something's mild breakdown over prefectionism.

The point is, I don't think we know each other yet and I would love to get acquainted. Maybe that sounds like a bad idea. Do you want to know me? Do I want to know you or be known? Apparently I do, given that I'm writing into the void, half hoping for a response. But can't someone just shout into lines of code without the anxiety of making a connection? Only in Google Docs, right?

But that's the internet's number one use, to share infromation and, even if unintentionally, make connections. The rabbit hole into parasitic parasocial relationships is much clearer than what people think it is. We ask "how did we get here?" when thinking about TikTok, YouTube, celebrity culture, etc, but honestly if you don't understand, you haven't been paying close attention. And I can't blame you! There are a lot of moving pieces and many of them seem to lack depth and relevance at first glance. Unfortunately, those points still have a place on the corkboard because their relevance lies in the amount of people that take part in them, specifically celebrity culture.

And this all feeds into the fear held in the smallest of relationships. Is this now a parasocial relationship? Me talking and you listening- or typing & reading, whatever. It's still a conversation, right? However one sided it may be. But again, I don't know you. You do not know me. You know some basic infromation about me, maybe you're stalking me, or know me irl. I don't know. (That's terrifying.) Upholding a relationship with another person is already hard work and scary but doing so just based on a few simple facts, not knowing the other person at all, and unsure what they're going to do with the information you're sharing? Why do people want to do this? Are we so desparate nowadays for what we deem a "safe connection" that we feel the need to place a rather large barrier between us? What about the creator's side of it, don't they deserve to really connect with their audience without the fear of being called out for preying on them?

That's the whole point though. In American society, at least, we've grown scared of each other. The internet simultaneously feeds into this and acts as a buffer to help create the illusion of a real, personal relationship.

I'd love to continue this, but unfortunately I'm writing in real time and need to go do some dishes before my bf & s/o get home! So, until next time when we pick this back up! Bye for now!